Ghosting | How to deal with it?

 

‘Ghosting’ is a casual term for when someone suddenly stops all forms of communication with a person they have been talking to or dating, with no explanation whatsoever. Entirely withdrawing from all forms of communication is known as ghosting. In this day and age, the notion of ghosting is so popular and normalised that it can leave people feeling let down, disregarded and disrespected.

There are many reasons why people choose to ghost. Let’s talk about some of the most prominent ones:

Conflict avoidance

Conflict and confrontation is conveniently avoided. The fear of disappointing someone could also lead to people ghosting.

Easy

People who ghost don’t know how they themselves feel, and instead of working through their emotions, they find it easier to let go of the communication entirely. It doesn’t take much effort to block people online.

Lack of interest

When people are not invested or interested in pursuing a relationship any longer, for whatever reason, they choose not to be upfront since they believe it will cause the other person less pain. 

Self doubt

They decide to leave a relationship because they are aware of the fact that they cannot meet the other person’s wants and needs, and they are ashamed by that. So they quit quietly. 

It is important to understand that there are situations where ghosting is acceptable. An example of this is when boundaries are crossed repeatedly. It is best to leave the relationship and ‘ghost’ someone if you have had a conversation with them about your boundaries and they still choose to cross them. In this case, you don’t owe them an explanation. It is a good way to seek well being and sanity if the relationship was having a bad influence on your life. 

In this day and age, where online relationships are so prominent, ghosting can make you feel alienated, lonely and secluded. Ghosting can affect your self-esteem and make you feel like you were somehow in the wrong, even when this is usually not the case. It can negatively affect your future relationships because you can constantly suffer from the fear of being ghosted. 

How to move past this?

Here are some ways to do so. 

  1. Don’t blame yourself by default. It is important to go over the relationship and reflect on what you think might have been your mistake or theirs. But don’t take the blame right off the bat and think things like “yeah, I deserved it” because at the end of the day, you are not aware of their thought process. There is no evidence of who should take the blame so it shouldn’t be on you.
  2. Don’t lose self respect. Yeah, it’s natural to want to know what happened and why someone has cut all contact with you all of a sudden. Going on a rampage trying to find some contact with them and trying to stalk their platforms online will only make you feel worse. 
  3. Build your self-esteem. Your self esteem can really take a massive hit after you’ve been ghosted and it’s very important to build that back up for your day to day activities. Here is how you can do that: https://thoughtcatalog.com/sabrina-alexis/2018/02/how-to-recover-from-being-ghosted-with-your-self-esteem-intact/ 
  4. Remember that their actions and behaviour are a reflection of them, not of you. They ghosted you? It’s fine. That’s a reflection of their behaviour. Not yours. Their actions say nothing about how much you are worth
  5. Change the way you think about the situation. Put a spin on it! If they ghosted you, you can say a lot of things about them straight off the bat. They have a lack of communication skills and have problems with confrontation. They probably weren’t the right person for you anyway! 

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